Poor Joke - Welcome Back : The Bugle's Verdict

Uday and Majnu are back... why??!! Whoever came up with the idea for a sequel to these fools’ story deserves a round of super-slow claps. The only thing that this film by Anees Bazmee was successful in, is proving that Bollywood producers and sequels don’t really fit in the same sentence, except this one of course.

Same storyline, same characters sans Akshay and Katrina, and impeccably ghastly performances by an otherwise decent star line-up, render Welcome Back the candidate for worst film of 2015.

Uday and Majnu have left their gangster lives for a legitimate hotel business, when its revealed that Uday has a second step-sister he never knew about (Yeah, apparently his dad’s quite the player), who must be married if the duo wishes to be part of the fake swayamvar organised by con-women Dimple Kapadia and her daughter (played by newcomer Ankita Srivastava).

Uday and Majnu caught coochee-kooing

And who’s better for this situation than Dr. Ghungroo, the duo’s very own ‘shareef’ bridegroom reserve. Things turn awry for them when its revealed that Ghungroo’s son is apparently not as ‘shareef’ as they supposed him to be.

Rest of the plot you can probably assume, if you've seen Welcome.

The story is painful, lame, but thankfully, forgettable. Truly, the only thing one will remember about this film after watching it is the memory of those painful 2 and a half hours, and that beautiful bucket of cheese popcorn.

Nana Patekar and Anil Kapoor were supposed to be the saving grace for this bad joke. If just they weren’t enough, there were 2 Nanas!! So one can understand how bad the script was, when even their antics illicit nothing ahead of the usual eggs and tomatoes. Anil Kapoor was a sad departure from his recent offering in Dil Dhadakne Do.

John ‘Protein Shake’ Abraham was so, so, so bad, that he was good. He’s supposed to be a brash, stupid sort of street thug, and the bland expressions and stiff dance moves somehow get the job done (Reverse psychology, you see). Shruti Haasan fails at handling her stooping lip job, let alone her rusting acting skills.

New members to the cast are Dimple Kapadia, Naseeruddin Shah and Shiney Ahuja. Dimple’s ordinary, Naseer as a blind crime-lord is immensely pathetic. Shiney on the other hand does decently well as the drug-fuelled, maniac son of Naseer.

Newcomer Ankita Srivastava needs enrolling into an acting institute. ASAFP.

Verdict – 1 out of 5 stars

Nana's reaction to the rating

A film can't be rated in integers. Welcome Back could probably set a precedent. 

I tried to have a good time. I genuinely did. But all this movie was able to accomplish was ruin my memories of the first film. Why, Anees, why?!! 

Punjabi Titanic - The Bugle's Verdict : Dil Dhadakne Do

The Akhtar family comes up with another movie about rich people, tied up in social as well as psychological complexities and difficulties, and how they finally come out of it. We have seen it in Dil Chahta Hai. We have seen it in Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara, and yet again, we see it here, in Dil Dhadakne Do. 

The movie is a peep into the crazy, flamboyant world of the upper-class gentry, and proof that however rich one may get, it shouldn’t be presumed that they can rid themselves of their original (Read: crass, orthodox and extremely short-sighted) mentality and adopt serious class. We are talking about people who gave gender inequality its original definition.

Throughout the film, all the people are shown putting down females and using them as a means to make better their corporate or social standing. Boys are married off to businessmen’s single daughters to receive some sort of corporate dowry shares and whatnot. Let’s not delve way too deep into the details.

Stranded in this scenario are the lead pair, Ranveer Singh and reel sister, Priyanka Chopra, with Farhan Akhtar and Anushka Sharma acting as the winds of change. So no new territory for Anushka too. 

Priyanka Chopra, Ranveer Singh and Anil – the 3 anchors of this extremely talented ship. Priyanka plays the hero and the victim at the same time. When all others, including Ranveer are cowering behind their designated comfort zones, Chopra acts as the pillar of reason and sense to drag people back to reality and sanity, whose absenteeism can be seen in both areas. But simultaneously, she is being crushed mentally by her authoritative husband, played by Rahul Bose, and her unconcerned parents. Ranveer plays the confused son who has been forced into the family business empire while his heart lies somewhere else entirely. He looks extremely smooth, and pulls off the role of the immature and bubbling man easily. In this Indian version of the Titanic, he’s Rose and Anushka is Jack.

By the way, are all free-spirited girls of the Akhtar-verse from London? (Anushka here, Katrina in ZNMD, etc.)

Anil Kapoor is the best and I just can’t say it enough! He is so good, that all his previous sins, MI:4 for instance, are forgiven. There is a scene where Priyanka declares her intentions for divorce, and Anil Kapoor shouts at her. Imagine the time when your father got the angriest at you in your extended memory. Multiply that by 2. Angry Anil was a step ahead of THAT! He had Priyanka as well as the entire audience shaking in their shoes in awe (and a touch of fear).

Somehow, watching the film, I was recalling Anil playing Majnu in Welcome. It is a testament to the diversity of roles the man has bagged in his kitty. He looks oh-so-good as the grey-haired, flamboyant businessman, Kamal Mehra.

A question though: Are Punjabis crazy or are Punjabis crazy? Because that is the idea that DDD seems to be promoting. Well, in their defence, the entire industry wishes to promote that idea, and the Akhtars might have just exaggerated it a bit (Not that I’d know. I’m not a Punjabi). In the previously mentioned divorce scene, Anil Kapoor asks Priyanka, “Dono young ho. Successful ho. Punjabi ho. Squash bhi khelte ho. To phir problem kya hai?” (You both are young, successful, Punjabi and play squash as well. So what is the problem). Yes.  According to him, as long as the bride and groom are Punjabis, there can be no marital problem. And the irony is that all of his extended family and friends are depicted in the same manner.

Rahul Bose is great, as usual, playing a character with grey shades. He, however, does not look even remotely Punjabi.

Despite the few clichés that this film contains, it was some of the most genuine fun I had this year. There may be times when this ship sinks under the weight of its overlarge star-cast, but eventually it is safely anchored, and knows its way about the story, never losing track of the narrative.  

Aamir Khan makes a surprise appearance too. Further, we shall not reveal.

VERDICT - 3 ½ out of 5 stars.

Good movie. Great actors. The film is quite comic, and not in the typical slapstick, Bollywood manner. Though it drags at points, it gains speed and keeps you glued to the tale of its almost eccentric characters. As usual, we see some really good, hummable songs, especially ‘Girls like to Swing’ and ‘Gallan Goodiyaan’.